Point and Match
by Darkest-Doctor
Summary: A collection of oneshots involving the Doctor, everyone else, and a few children's games. Rating changes per chapter. Slightly AU, multiple pairings
1. Chess

Thanks to everyone who reviewed _Phobia_! You all rock so hard I can't see.  
So, this came from a discussion my little brother and I had. He wanted to know what they did on the TARDIS for fun and he wouldn't accept the answer: "they go to alien worlds, weirdo". Thusly, we decided that they must play human games, since the Doctor would probably think they were brilliant. :3  
This is going to be multi-chaptered, but they'll also be oneshots, so don't try to look for any sort of plot connectivity.

Summary: Jack and the Doctor make a wager involving a game of chess. Slight AU, check _Phobia _if you don't know who Ari is.  
Rating: Still T for Tremendous  
Pairing: Doctor/Jack  
Disclaimer: (covered in third degree burns) I swear on my life, on my soul! I own all of this! This is all mine!!! (Firey pits of Hell open up and consume me)

Point and Match--Chess

Today was no ordinary day. No, today was certainly, by far, without a doubt, not an ordinary day. Today, on a fine little ship called the TARDIS, was the day that Captain Jack Harkness, playboy extraordinaire and resident immortal human being, was going to beat the Doctor, alien genius with an eccentric fashion sense, at a game of chess.

Being the omniscient and all powerful narrator, I can see that some of you out there are wondering quietly to yourselves: _how the bloody hell is Captain Jack Harkness going to beat the Doctor at a game of chess?_ I can also see that a few of you have fallen out of your chairs laughing from the irony and, just to warn you, there is a seventy-five percent chance of concussion, so you may want to have that lump on your noggin checked before you die from internal hemorrhaging.

But I digress! Returning to our sex-deprived, Doctor-lusting Jack, we review the circumstances. For the past six months, Jack and the Doctor had been engaging in chess matches. The Doctor found them pleasantly distracting as they whiled away the long hours of boredom on the TARDIS waiting for some calamity to occur or some interesting planet to explode onto the computer screens. Jack, however, saw them as grueling matches to the death with his prize sitting opposite him reminding him that _no, the Rook can't go diagonal _and _I'm fairly sure the King does not want to get it on with the Bishop_.

You see, the Doctor and Jack had made a bet those six months ago. It had been a silly thing, brought on by Jack's attempts, who was, by the record, only _slightly_ drunk, to woo the Doctor into his bed for the night. The Doctor, adorable little alien that he was, refused outright whilst blushing and threatening Jack's manly bits with the sonic screwdriver, which had, regrettably, become a much more common occurrence. Affronted, put out, and restraining a libido the size of Montana, Jack proposed a wager. If Jack could beat the Doctor at a game of chess, the Doctor would let Jack shag him. The Doctor conceded only after adding the term that Jack would, quote "_cease and desist your never-ending attempts to take off my pants"_ unquote, if he could not beat the Doctor within one year of the bet. Jack agreed. It wasn't the smartest thing the Captain had ever done, but he was, after all, only _slightly _drunk.

So, for the last six months, Jack had been ground into the dust repeatedly, failing miserably at each match despite his improving skills. But Jack wasn't going to be playing with just skills today. Oh no, Jack Harkness was going to be playing dirty, and that was why he was going to win.

At precisely three PM, Jack was waiting with the chess board set up while Ari, The-Randomly-Picked-Up-Boy-With-A-Demon-Possessed-Shadow, was readying to make tea, simply because tea makes everything better and can soothe the headaches induced by Jack's patented "Failure-Wails". The Doctor ambled in, grin plastered firmly on his face as he took a seat opposite the Captain.

"So, you're up for another round already, Jack?" he queried. "I thought you'd still be put out about yesterday's loss."

"Not today, Doctor," Jack affirmed, gesturing for the Doctor to make his first move. "Why be bothered by a loss yesterday when I'm going to win today?"

"You're sure of that, then?" the Doctor replied, eyebrow arched delicately as he edged a pawn forward.

Ari strode over and took a seat nearby, watching the game with some degree of fascination. He had no idea why Jack was so hell bent on beating the Doctor, but it was always fun to watch his face when the Doctor had made a particularly excellent move. Not only did it contort unnaturally, it turned funny colors too.

But today, it was the Doctor whose face seemed to be performing a _Cirque Du Soleil_ routine. Three bad moves later, the Doctor slammed a palm against the table and full out glared at Jack.

"Captain Jack Whatever-Your-Middle-Name-Is-I-Don't-Know-It-So-I'll-Say-Mildred Harkness!"

"Mildred?" Jack echoed, amused.

"Yes, that's your new middle name," the Doctor said, waving off his words with his non-slamming hand. "But that isn't the point. The point is that I want you to stop doing that thing you're doing!" Jack blinked once, twice, and then smirked.

"What thing would that be, Doctor?" The Time Lord's face turned an interesting shade of rose before he made an attempt to speak.  
"THAT!"

"What is 'that', Doctor?" Ari noted that Jack's smirk grew wider and wondered momentarily on why Stan was giggling so maniacally in the back of his shadow.

"That thing you're doing!"

"And what is that 'thing', Doctor? You'll have to be more specific than that."

"THAT! That thing! You're doing it again! Stop it!"

"It sounds like you're whining, Doctor."

"I'm not whining!"

"He's whining," Stan deadpanned from within Ari's shadow, golden eyes blinking lazily under the chair.

"No one asked you, you parasitic entity!" the Doctor snapped, turning his glare upon Ari's chair.

"Parasitic entity!? No speaks to the Great Evil King Stan like that! Slave! Slave, get up and teach that man a lesson! Slave!" Ari stood up, cast his companions an apologetic look, and marched straight out of the main room and into the connecting hallway.

"Slave…? **SLAVE!** That is **not** the correct direction! Turn around this instant! I command you to go back and teach that insolent fashion disaster a lesson! Do you hear me?! _**Slave!**_ Listen to me when I—"

The TARDIS, ever the fantastic and devoted ship she is, was, and shall be, made the walls soundproof and the game continued.

Jack, of course, also continued with his dirty tactics. A slight movement there and…voila! The Doctor flinched a little as he attempted to move his Pawn to take Jack's poorly placed Bishop; he missed and placed it up one square into the path of a Knight instead.

"Knock. It. Off," he ground out, teeth clenched as Jack took the ill-starred Pawn readily.

"Knock what off, Doctor?"

"Oh, don't you even think of starting that again!" the alien scowled. "Now stop it before I have to tie you down and castrate you with my screwdriver."

"Kinky," Jack replied, smirk growing ever wider. The Doctor groaned, making another bad move as Jack continued to distract him.

"You're impossible!" he shrieked, hardly noting what piece he picked up and where he put it. "Fine then! I'll say it! Captain Jack Mildred Harkness, for all that is decent, holy, and not-Dalek, **stop rubbing your foot against my leg!**" Jack grinned, giving the Cheshire Cat a run for his money, as he shifted the position of his Bishop.

"Oh fine, if you insist," Jack conceded, tucking his legs under his chair serenely. "By the way, checkmate."

"Checkmate!? No way, you're lying!" the Doctor protested, eyes frantically searching the board. Lo and behold, his King was entrapped by a Bishop, a Knight, and, of all things, a Pawn. "Y-You cheated! If you hadn't been distracting me—"Jack clucked his tongue and laughed, reverting to his All-Powerful Smirk.

"I thought you would have been able to concentrate even with that minimal distraction," Jack purred. "Apparently I was wrong. I seem to have excited you much more than a mere distraction could have."

"I-I-I'm sensitive," the Doctor stammered, flushing heavily as Jack continued to smirk.

"Oh? Well, I'll remember that when you pay up on our wager. Mental Note Number 306: Time Lords are also sensitive on their shins, apparently."

"'Also'?!" the Doctor gaped. "How many weird observations have you made?"

"As of now, 306."

"You're incorrigible."

"I also don't know what that means." Jack smiled. "So, Doctor, join me for dinner this Friday and we'll work on your half of the wager then." The Doctor rolled his eyes, finally gave in, and smiled as he leaned across the board to offer a small peck onto Jack's nose.

"Well, at least you're going to buy me a drink first."


	2. House

I said that this would be multi-chaptered. By the way, just as a reminder, _Chess_ and _House_ don't have any real connection at all. And _House_ uses the 9th Doctor. This chapter is dedicated to my sometimes-betas **Emerald Amethyst** and **Just A Reid Bear**. If I can make you guys fall over in stitches or give me that watery look you get when you're holding back some huge emotion (perferably not despair), it just makes my day. :3 You two rawk. Rawk like spellcheck doesn't exist.

Summary: Rose's cousin wants to play, and Jack takes full advantage of the opportunity. Slightly AU in some places, some glaring allusions to bondage.  
Rating: T+, because of Jack being Jack  
Pairing: 9thDoctor/Jack  
Disclaimer: Okay, I've survived lightning, Hell, and several small children. I think I deserve to own _Doctor Who _now! (trampled by a rampaging hoard of platypuses) Or is it platypi? Hm...

Point and Match--House

The Doctor stared.

The child stared.

The Doctor held up one hand.

The child held up one hand.

The Doctor lowered the hand.

The child lowered the hand.

The Doctor squealed and all but smothered the child against his midnight-colored chest, nuzzling the mop of messed hair affectionately.

"Oh, you are just the most precious, adorable, brilliant little thing!" he gushed. "I just love humans! You're all so fantastic! Do it again!" The Doctor let go, allowing the child to shake her blond head and take a few clear breaths.

The Doctor raised his other hand.

The child raised her other hand.

The Doctor lowered the hand.

The child lowered the hand.

The Doctor grinned again and made to clutch the child again, only to be stopped by Jack poking his head past a door, looking disgruntled.

"Why, for the love of Some Deity, are you awake before me on a Saturday before 11 AM?" The Doctor pointed cheerily at the child, who had darted before his kneeling form and was currently peering at Jack from under the Doctor's arm.

"This is Mariah," he announced. "She's Rose's cousin. See, Rose wanted to go on a date with Ricky—"

"Mickey," Jack interjected.

"Right, whatever. She wanted to go on a date with Nicky—"Jack groaned"—but some Auntie asked her to watch after Mariah. So, Rose asked me keep guard over Mariah for a few hours until she got back."

"Have you ever babysat before?" Jack asked, bewildered as Mariah grew more bold and crept from behind the Doctor's back, appraising Jack critically.

"Nope."

"Do you have any idea how to take care of children?"

"Not a clue." Jack stared, abashed, as the Doctor kept on grinning, returning his attentions to Mariah and gesturing in Jack's direction.

"Mariah, this is Jack," the Doctor introduced. "He'll be playing with us today."

"I will?" asked Jack, looking cornered.

"He will?" Mariah exclaimed, looking excited.

"He will," the Doctor affirmed, looking downright sinister. Jack gulped, trying to force down the lump of apprehension welling in his throat. He was not good with kids, and he was not good with "playing nice" with the Doctor when they were alone and the Time Lord was oh-so-deliciously vulnerable to his overtures due to Rose's absence.

"Okay!" Mariah said, positively glowing as she began to dart about the control room of the TARDIS. "Can we play "house"?"

"Whatever you want, Mariah," Jack offered, feeling slightly pleased as the Doctor nodded in his direction.

"Okay, then I'll be the mother," Mariah asserted. "Jack can be the Daddy, and Doc can be the Doggy!"

"Doggy?!" the Doctor repeated, looking nothing short of scandalized at Mariah's decision.

"Doc?" Jack queried, amused.

"Mariah, why do I have to be the dog?" the Doctor inquired, trying to sound inquisitive despite the whine creeping into his voice. "Jack's a lot better at being a dog than me!"

"Oh, but you would be such a _fantastic_ dog," Jack drawled, demeanor growing more smug by the second. "He'd be a good dog, wouldn't he, Mariah?"

"Call me "dear"," Mariah admonished. "I'm the Mommy!"

The little ball of sunshine bounded off, pointing at various sections of the control room and marking them off as various household rooms as the Doctor sent a venomous glare in Jack's direction.

"I will get you for this," he vowed.

"It's worth it," Jack replied, grin never fading. Mariah came back suddenly, looking concerned.

"Wait, we can't have Doc be a dog if we don't have a collar for him," she said, Child-Logic working on all engines as she struggled for a solution. "We may have to make him the Kid."

"I wouldn't mind being the Kid!' the Doctor responded, overzealous in his one chance to escape; Jack would have none of it.

"I have a collar," Jack countered. "A leash too. If I go get them, Mariah, can we still have a doggy?"

"Yeah," Mariah said, looking hopeful. Jack smiled and bopped her on the nose with his finger.

"Then stay here. I'll be right back."

Jack nearly made it to the corridor before he turned back with cocky smirk.

"Make sure to look after the doggy for me!"

"I will!" Mariah cried enthusiastically. The Doctor whimpered in the back of his throat, turning to Mariah for one last appeal.

"Mariah?" he asked, voice pitying as he considered the child with watering eyes.

"Yes, doggy?" Mariah asked, practically beaming as she reached over to pat the Doctor on the head. The Doctor blinked once, twice, and his heart melted.

"N-Nothing…nevermind, Mariah."

"Okay, doggy!" Mariah reached to the back of his head and scratched behind an ear affectionately. "You're a good dog, Doc, yes you are!" The Doctor nearly evaded her hand until it made contact, and then he promptly fell to jelly.

"That feels good," he purred, eyes closing serenly.

"Of course, doggy!" Mariah said. "Doggies like being scratched behind their ears for a reason." The Doctor sighed, suddenly very content with being the "Doggy", so long as someone kept giving him headpats.

"Well, you look very happy." The Doctor's eyes snapped open, the "feel-good" feeling suddenly evaporating as he remembered where he was and who he was with. He had to remember himself; Jack was here and there was no way the Doctor was going to give him any other ammo in his perverted advances. Mariah was ecstatic, looking over the leather collar and leash that Jack offered to her.

"This is great!" she praised, hugging Jack's legs before she took the wares and returned to the Doctor's half-sitting form. "Now he can be a real doggy!" She struggled for a moment, attempting to belt the collar shut with little progress. She groaned, rolled her angelically large eyes, and pivoted to give Jack a withering look.

"I could use some help," she said, adopting the tone of nagging wife. Jack grinned, either from the chance to put a collar on the Doctor or from the way she was acting; the Doctor couldn't tell.

"Right away, dear!" Jack crowed, all but running over in his eagerness. The Doctor was very tempted to bite Jack as the man fastened the collar securely around the Doctor's neck. Mariah nodded, pleased, and trotted off after muttering something about a table.

"There we go," Jack said, patting the Doctor on the head, giving into his silly urges. "It looks great; leather really is your thing, Doctor."

"I will kill you," the Doctor hissed, keeping his voice low as Mariah positioned a pair of chairs around a table-like protrusion at the control panel.

"But it still is so worth it," Jack replied.

"Jack, darling, tea is ready!" Mariah called, seated at the table with a hodge-podge set of cups filled with water. The Doctor glanced at the floor of the TARDIS. That was weird. He couldn't recall ever having cups in the control room. Or water, for that matter. Those things were generally contained in the kitchen area. Had the TARDIS moved the kitchen again? He hoped not. It was so difficult to find the macaroni after the TARDIS moved the kitchen.

"Come here, doggy!" Mariah called, waving her hand as Jack took his seat opposite her. The Doctor sighed, moving to stand.

"No, Doc, doggies walk on all fours!" Mariah protested. The Doctor paused, sighed again, and got back onto his knees, proceeding to crawl to the makeshift tea party.

_If Jack grows any smugger, he will suffocate himself,_ the Doctor noted wryly, trying to ignore the growing desire to snap at Jack's roaming hands, which were currently petting down the shirt wrinkles on the Doctor's back. But nevertheless, he couldn't focus very well on the tableside conversation, trying to disregard the pleasant feeling elicited by Jack's ministrations. He hadn't realized he had been purring until Jack chortled, ceasing his movements to smirk at the Doctor crouched next to him.

"I didn't know you purred, Doctor," Jack remarked. "Anything you'd like to tell me?" That was it. The formidable Time Lord may dissolve under the gaze of a little girl, but he would not, under any circumstances, put up with this sort of ridiculousness from Jack. The Doctor lashed out, sinking his teeth into Jack's hand in an irritable display. Jack flinched, and the Doctor offered him a mental kudo for not crying out.

Suddenly, something whapped against his nose, causing him to drop Jack's hand in surprise and his eyes to water.

"Bad dog!" Mariah cried, brandishing a rolled up newspaper. The Doctor mused for a moment, wondering where she had obtained the object, before it cracked against his nose again.

"You don't bite people!" she reprimanded, flooding the Doctor with shame with her punishing stare. "Now say you're sorry and kiss and make up."

"I beg your pardon?!" the Doctor shrieked, scandalized.

"Excuse me?!" Jack echoed, sounding more excited than dismayed.

"You heard me," Mariah asserted. "Mommy says when people do bad things to one another, they have to kiss and make up afterwards." Jack muttered something under his breath; the Doctor heard something about "make out", but chose to ignore it. Mariah pouted when no one hopped to her orders.

"I don't want you guys to fight with each other," she sniffled, tears blossoming in her eyes. The Doctor, against all commonly accepted physics, melted yet again.

"Oh, fine," he grumbled, moving to stand again.

"You're still a doggy," Mariah reminded him, crossing her arms in childish authority. "You have to do it like dogs do."

"And that is…?" the Doctor probed, no longer fighting the sway she held over him.

"Dog kisses, of course," Mariah said, exasperated. "You give Daddy doggy kisses and then Daddy rubs your belly." The Doctor briefly considered flat-out refusing and leaving the room, but then Mariah would probably cry and then she'd blame herself; humans did that a lot. And the Doctor, while Torchwood would protest otherwise, was not an insensitive moron and would not hurt a little child's feelings under any circumstances if he could help it.

Resigned, the Doctor leaned up, placing his hands on Jack's knees as he leaned closer to Jack's face. He flushed, trying to ignore the cheerful giggle behind him. He hesitantly licked Jack's cheek, blushing brighter still, and then retreated to the floor and rolled onto his back. Jack knelt next to him, reaching out almost rapturously and stroking the Doctor's clothed belly.

"I've always wanted to do this," Jack whispered, hoping to avoid detection from Mariah.

"Shut up." The Doctor blushed, closing his eyes and making an attempt to halt the reaction he was gaining from the stimulation. The lack of sight only served to increase the Doctor's sensory intake, tricking him into release a small whimper of alarm before he rolled back onto his knees defensively. The Doctor was ready to bolt, as he often would do if Jack grew too intense, but Jack had snatched up the leash and securely attached it to the Doctor's collar.

"Mariah, should we take Doc for a walk?" he suggested, tugging at the leather strap a little. The Doctor looked alarmed; Mariah was delighted.

"Sure!"

"I'm back!" The Doctor turned adoring eyes onto Rose, his new messiah, as she stepped through the door, freezing once she saw the comical tableau displayed before her. Stifling giggles, she strode over to Mariah and picked her up, balancing Mariah expertly on her hip.

"Had fun, did you?" she asked, poking Mariah's nose similar to Jack's previous gesture.

"Uh-huh! We were playing "house"! I was the Mommy, Jack was the Daddy, and Doc was the Doggy!"

"Was he really?" Rose replied, glancing at the Doctor's flustered appearance.

"Your date was quick," the Doctor interrupted, diverting the subject away from his strange position. Rose sighed.

"Well, Mickey's grandmum had a case of the sniffles and we had to drive her to the hospital to make sure it wasn't the flu. She had a small infection, but the doctors said she should rest. So, Mickey decided to stay home and take care of her."

"And you don't mind?" Jack inquired. "You're a regular saint, Rose."

"It's his gran," Rose replied, rolling her eyes with a smile. "I don't mind if I have to lose out to her a few times. God knows he has to miss out a lot when I'm traveling with you lot."

"And yet you stay," the Doctor muttered, slowly resembling an irascible kitten as Rose allowed a small chuckle to escape her lips.

"I'll take Mariah off your hands," Rose said finally, ignoring the storm of protest that exploded into her ear. "I'm certain Auntie Renee said something about…math homework?" Mariah pouted, shaking her head resiliently.

"But I want to play some more!"

"We can come back later once you finish, alright?"

"Fine," Mariah sighed, giving in. "Bye Jack! Bye Doc!"

"We'll come by later, okay?" Rose confirmed. "She'll get her homework done really quick, won't you?"

"I will! And then you can be the Maid!" Mariah exclaimed. Rose blanched for a moment while the Doctor grinned smugly.

"Okay then, see you blokes later," Rose announced, nudging the door of the TARDIS open and edging outside.

"Bye-bye!" Mariah cried, waving small hands wildly as Rose carted her from the ship, leaving Jack alone with…

…a swiftly departing Doctor.

Fortunately for Captain Jack Harkness, he still had a firm grasp on the leash.

"Oh, no you don't!" Jack trilled, jerking back on the strap as the Doctor reached for the door. The Time Lord overbalanced, legs scrambling for purchase as he collapsed like a newborn foal onto his rear end.

"Ouch!" he whined. "You didn't need to do that, Jack!" Jack crawled closer, tugging at the leash periodically to force the Doctor to turn back around and look at him.

"You were going to run away, again," Jack stated, unflinching. The Doctor waved a hand flippantly, uncomfortable with the increasing lack of distance between them.

"I was not going to run," he defended, lamely. "I was…just going to reconfigure the TARDIS'…jury-rigged…hangman's…dammit."

"What's so scary about me?" Jack asked, leaning in until all one would have to do was breathe to close the span between his lips and the Doctor's.

"I—er—that is—I mean—uhm—"Jack smirked, eyes glittering as he fingered the rim of the collar.

"Fun thing about collars, Doctor," Jack said, voice descending to a low purr as a slender digit made its way between flesh and leather. "They have this tendency to impress submission." And, without warning, Jack yanked his hand back.

The kiss was not romantic, nor was it very well done. There was much clacking of teeth and it was sloppy. But it was warm, and the Doctor could taste an aftertaste mix of butterscotch and badly brewed coffee.

Jack, surprisingly, pulled away first, leaving the Doctor breathless and flushed as the Captain licked his lips playfully.

"Now, if the good doggy is up to it, Daddy is ready to play." The Doctor bled burgundy, radiating his embarrassment as he scrambled to his feet and paused just short of jerking open the door to the hallways.

"If you're just going to play around," he snarled, voice icy as he spoke, "then I'll just go and—"Jack's hands slammed into the metal on either side of the Doctor's head, startling him into silence as Jack loomed over him, eyes set angrily.

"Never," Jack growled, "ever patronize me, Doctor. I mean everything I say." Jack crushed his mouth against the Doctor's, one hand clenched against the back of the Doctor's neck and the other fisted in the dark cloth of his shirt. The Doctor gasped slightly, and Jack took advantage of this by slipping his tongue past the Doctor's lips, probing and plundering with reckless abandon. Jack pulled back, leaving the Doctor, yet again, baffled and quite dazed.

"Get it now?" Jack pressed, scattering a few pecks across the Doctor's jawbone. The Doctor whimpered, placing his hands on Jack's shoulders and forcing him back a pace.

"S-Slow down!" he protested, glowing pink as he took a few breaths to regain some control. "You can't just…right here…Rose could walk in on us."

"Let her," Jack deadpanned, nipping at the Doctor's ear a little harder than he should have. "Don't care right now."

"Jack!"

"Oh, fine!" Jack grumbled, sighing against the Doctor's neck in defeat. "We'll go to my room."

"But—"

"Your room? I really don't care which. It's just that I have some other things in my room that you might like."

"Eh?!"

(-)(-)(-)

Rose returned with Mariah to the TARDIS three or so hours later, wondering how a simple set of long divisions problems had delayed them so long. It was almost as if some demented god wanted them to be the next contestants on that ridiculous American game show. Regardless, Mariah was setting up her makeshift tea set again and had sent "Maid Rosalita" to go find her husband and pet. Rose made a mental note to lecture Mariah about stereotypes later as she poked her head inside the Doctor's room, doing a quick scan of the area.

Strangely, the Doctor was not present. Rose cocked her head a little. If the Doctor wasn't in his room or at the controls, where was he? He couldn't be in the kitchen, and even if he was, the TARDIS typically found some way to get him out of the region before he decided to experiment with various explosive foodstuffs again. Rose ran through a list of places the Doctor could be as she made the approach to Jack's room.

Maybe he had hidden in the linen closet to avoid the lecherous Captain again. No, he had learned his lesson from the last time Jack found him. The memory still gave Rose the giggles when she thought of it.

The laundry room…no, the TARDIS got rid of that after the "_Shout!_ Incident."

The kitchen was probably…no, she had thought of that one already.

Rose rolled her eyes as she elbowed the door to Jack's room open, not noticing the shortage of light until she peered inside.

"Jack…?" she whispered, eyes straining to focus against the dark. "Are you in here?" Her eyes began to adjust, the light spilling in from the hallways helping illuminate the shadows. Rose blinked owlishly as she recognized the leash tossed carelessly on the floor. So, that thing was Jack's? Where had the collar gone? Rose snickered. Maybe the Doctor was still wearing it. She took a step inside the room and paused, eyes straining. Once the room came into a slight focus, she blanched. Was that a leather corset on the floor? Rose gulped, slowly directing her eyes upwards to where Jack's bed was, dreading what she expected to see. Her reservations were met entirely.

The undulating lump of covers on Jack's bed was far too big to be simply the Captain. Her fears were confirmed when she heard the Doctor mutter sleepily: "Rose…? Is that you?"

Rose stepped back into the hallway briskly, fastening the portal shut with a sharp click. She decided that she really, really did not want to find out what had happened.

"Mariah, sweetie," Rose said, emerging into the control room feeling a bit drained in her new knowledge, "Jack and Doc got sleepy, so they went to bed a little early." Mariah pouted, crossing her small arms indignantly.

"Can we play with them tomorrow?"

"Of course we can, Mariah."

"Can I go kiss them goodnight?"

"No!" Rose shouted, eyes doubling in size.

Mariah blinked.

Rose coughed.

"Er…I mean…they might wake up, and Doc is a grump when he's woken up."

"Oh," Mariah said, nodding complacently as Rose led her from the TARDIS. A hall and a few doors away, the Doctor jerked up in the bed, mouth opened in a silent scream.

"Rose just—"he babbled, voice giving way to a hoarse whimper. "Rose just—she just—Jack, she—"

"Go back to sleep," Jack groused, reaching up and dragging the Doctor's bare torso back onto the mattress. "We can explain tomorrow."

"But she just—"

"And she'll be seeing a lot more than what she did if you don't shut up and go to sleep."

The Doctor reluctantly obeyed, burrowing back under the sheets and resting his face in the crook of Jack's neck. Jack smiled, reaching up and scratching behind the Doctor's ear affectionately.

"Good dog."

-------------

Yes, I _know_ Mickey's grandmother is dead. It just made the whole thing easier if she was alive for a little bit.  
Addition: ...additional thanks to **Emerald Amethyst**, who just caught a last minute typo five seconds ago...Dern spellcheck.


End file.
